All I really I needed to know I learned in my first year of WLS Post-op.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do

and how to be to live the rest of my life as the “new me” –

The me I always wanted to be.

I learned my first year POST OP weight loss surgery.

1. anything worth having is worth working for

(commit like your life depended on it) and if that is not motivation enough for you- then do it for others, the people you love more than yourself… if you have esteem issues- and I betting you do—you may find it impossible to value yourself enough to want to make this dream a reality … to keep yourself from a premature death- and unhealthy life- But if you do it as if—AS IF—it was to save the life of your child, or spouse, or parent, or best friend-- then maybe you can make the connection long enough to begin to make a real change. A LASTING change—in your relationship with food, exercise, and healthy lifestyle. This is a tool box you are getting with surgery—it is not a magic bullet- although it can seem that way some days early on—but if you do not work with these tools- it is a fleeting moment of health, happiness and "thinnerness" that will not see you through the rest of your days…and you may well be backwhere you began.

2. If you don’t make yourself a priority…no one else will do it for you.

- (self care is not selfish)

For women- who are by nature nurturers – as we enter the marriage and family stage of life-everyone comes first and you are always last—and we just slide down hill after that! Then suddenly you are eating to fill a need for nurture and feel better- about whatever! Everyone’s needs come before yours and you allow that! Are you enjoying your role as MARTYR? Did your Mom do this? Is that what made her crabby and critical and then you got caught in the crossfire? Which lead to a life of comfort with food?

I don’t know! Only YOU can answer that- But I do know-

The past is history,

Tomorrow a mystery

And today is a gift ( present)!

So be a gift to yourself—put your needs FIRST- it’s called SELF CARE! And it is absolutely imperative to give yourself the best fighting chance to succeed during your FIRST YEAR- the year of rediscovery - the year of re- invention! You need time to process, reflect, feed your body the highest possible quality nutrients and your spirit needs the same.

3.What goes up must come down—A scale is a machine- a tool- nothing more—think of it less as a punitive monster- and more as a COMPASS- look NOT at the number it says and self flagellate over it’s results---but as a SIGN POST—pointing the way down the next steps in the journey! Okay—so the scale goes up a pound or two—first off- it is probably water weight- so discount it- just keep walking—it will rectify it self!

4. PROCESS IS EVERYTHING- not the goal, the rules, not the constrictions—but the process- putting one foot in front of the other every day—making the best choices out of self love – and self care for your body and your goals--- When I was dieting years ago—I got fixated on the goal- the losses- and then I began to manipulate things -to make the results happen in a dishonest way—I became OCD about the scale- and the losses- I knew it was VERY unhealthy in my head- much less what I was doing to my body-- so I had to switch my perspective 100%-- WE CAN ONLY CONTROL OUR PROCESS- NOT THE RESULTS. I can only control the choices I make-to exercise or not to eat rightly- or not—nose to the grindstone—eyes focused—and then suddenly one day you look up and see- you are at the threshold of your “promised land”

We had this miracle surgery--- the results WILL happen- if we keep our focus on the process!

5. JOURNAL- your story is worth preserving—because it will help you and others reach their destination- it is a tool for self correction along the path, it is a vital tool to self discovery- when you process how you see things- or feel about things… whether you VLOG ON YT – or BLOG online, or write in a private page—you will be ever grateful that you are leaving a path of enlightenment for yourself- and others. This record will encourage when you hit a rough patch—so capture all you can.

BLOG VLOG or JOURNAL for your own process- if others enjoy or benefit- wonderful! Do not let others negativity affect you- this avenue of expression or documentation is for YOU!!!!

Food Journal— I have just begun to see the value of this tool- because when you have a great loss one week- and months later you are stuck—you have something- concrete to go back to – to tweak your current SOP with a blueprint of former success.

6. RULES are meant to be followed- and broken…

OMG are you a rule breaker? There is a deep seeded rebel in me- that when someone says “do it this way” I want to try something outside the box instead--- what’s with that? Or I want to question—by whose authority does this rule come? And how out of date is it? – How much of what we are told seems like “parroting popular medical jibber jabber and we are expected to follow with out question… seek your truth.

What works for me is not your holy grail! I spent a long period the first 6months feeling like a faker—because I did not follow the S.O.P.(standard operating procedure) post RNY-I did not enjoy meat any longer- solid animal protein did not appeal – oh the occasional steak- yes, or burger, okay- scallops- always. But every day? Nope- I was so in love with mushy lentils & legumes & greens & mixtures with protein packing non animal sources of food.—but I was losing. Oh the guilt! The lie I was living… then I finally heard the good news- from Dr. Garth Davis—you can be a healthy flexitarian and lots of people were doing it! I saw the heavens part and heard the hallelujahs come down…I found my own peace- My own Path- and I am perfectly healthy- lots of fiber, veg, fruit, etc—we take supplements- so what’s to worry. But again- we all have to find our own paths to” enlightenment”

7. Feel the fear and do it anyway—a popular book – and true statement. You will be afraid of the unknown- as much as you want this new life—there will be scary changes sometimes- and you may not have counted the cost—( and I am gonna say that is a good thing) because if we stopped and thought about all the what ifs…we might not have even had the surgery…. Sure I considered the dying thing-- -but other than that? nada! I did not consider- if I or my husband would like the way I- looked “skinny” ribs sticking out, saggy butt- hipless- -that does take some getting used to- and embracing. And I have done that now.—I kind of love this new frame. it a process.

I didn’t think about friends I might lose ( I haven’t) or the pleasures of social dining- there is an effect there for sure. But feel your way along--- you can find your way. I am definitely a cheap date! Dinner parties? Pace yourself- don’t fill up on olives and cheese and wine and then be sick when you try to eat your hosts beautifully prepared salmon!

8. Peace of mind is…. worth more than my weight in gold…. - it is the goal I seek with every breath. I do all I can to keep away from strife, and stress, and upset—because I am too much of an empathetic sponge—I will soak it all up and let it tear me apart. So I choose every day to WALK! Everyday- I walk with my dog- and I leave my cookie cutter neighborhood as fast as my feet will carry me across the road to a deserted soccer field and a back road- where we walk as close to nature as the brambles and poison ivy will allows us. I feel such harmony in my body movement, my breathing, the breeze against my face, the leaves that swirl, or the wildflowers that sway, the sounds, the colors, the thoughts that flow through my mind… clarity of thought, leading to insights, and revelation, and growth… heaven- surely I am in heaven at these moments. It is the best part of my day…

9. Community matters- no man is an island… I love WLS YT & FB community—I cannot begin to guess where I would have been in the past year with out that incredible HUMAN EXPERIENCE/ TECHNICOLOGICAL resource- our library as it were—

Encouragement – what are we if not human and in need of encouragement….

10. It is never too late for a do over—or Dreamers never die…

I can still see and feel that little girl who wished and wished and wished so hard to go to sleep and wake up thin- which equals – normal- which equals acceptance as good enough—and THAT my friends equals happiness like in a fairytale.

That little girl is 53 now and she is much the same in her heart. .As much as I tried I couldn’t make those wishes come true for so many years. I had success in other ways. I found unconditional love, which did lead to a 125 lbs loss in my thirties. But that didn’t stick…because I was still doing it for approval of another person, my mother—and it didn’t seem all that important to her after I reached it—I just could not feel the love, acceptance or blessing from the person that I gave much too much power to—and she could only give what she could out of her own brokenness.

YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR YOURSELF- because you are worth it. I know that now- and hence back full circle on the list- I matter- more than anything else- I matter- I selfishly want to live a full life with exuberance and health and family and friends and adventure! And I want to live another 40 years to make up for all the decades I let feeling ugly or fat, or insecure keep me from loving myself and living my dreams.