Just Shoot Me Now!

I am blogging today for self flagellation and permanent record for reflection. I really should be out the door to the commissary or walking the ever less patient pooch right now however I am compelled to write before the desire flees! I went away last weekend, Saturday all day through Monday morning when we drove home. It was a lovely idea- go to a B&B - ( BUY ONE NIGHT GET ONE FREE) -- YES - YOU KNOW ME! Steve and I love the Chaddsford area of Pa- right next to Delaware line, 2.5 hours from home, and gorgeous scenery as reflected in the art of all the Wyeths. More than that even it is home to Longwood gardens- heaven on earth- 4 acres under roof in full bloom all year..and manicured and gardened grounds worth the walking any time of year- rain permitting. Also close by the phenomenal Winterthur estate ala Dupont.

So lots to see- lots to do-- but also lots of poor choices to be made on the food front. Looking back it had the mania of the holidays when food choices and hubub seemed intertwined and I felt lousy much of the time. So between being away from my comfort zone of food control ( yes I could have packed food), and wanting to go back to a time when you went with the flow on vaca- I failed miserably. It isn't that I ate so much volume- but the choices were either to sugary- like B&B breakies, so that I dumped. or too spicy like the Thai fish cakes we shared, or I was starving one night so I ate my little Wendys deluxe burger too rapidly and wanted to be sick, or I ate my first bit of Bruesters' icecream- and got sick again! and if not at the toilet- I was laying in repose as they say so the nausea, or hot sweats, would go away...oh, and I didn't even mention the Philly Cheese steak I tried to eat a few bites of-- at least that didn't cause me probs-- probably the most beef I have eaten in 4 months! oh, wait the capper was on the way home-- Steve stopped at the rest stop and I went in to buy a bit of lunch to share--and something like an old mouth hunger desire possessed me and I bought Phillips fried fish plate( I deluded myself in to imagining giant fluffy Captain D's fillets where you have loads of white fish and can pull off the crust)- ugh... 1.5 tiny flat little fillets- not too bad- but I ate about 8-10 fries too- and OMG was I feeling lousy and guilty after that!

So there- I feel like I don't dare get on a scale for a week- I can't face the let down I did to myself!-- Again I must say quantity was not the issue- altho it is much more volume than I eat at home- but nothing in comparison to normal eating.

In exactly 1 week I am winging my way to California to spend 9 days with my youngest-- I intend to walk each day in hopefully beautiful weather and eat healthy - as she does. But still, out of my home environs I am anxious- seriously- and packing up my protien powders etc is a must.

There I have confessed- I was a bloated, fat mess! or at least I felt like one and I it is all I can do this morning to force my eyes forward instead of back- and it ain't easy ! Last week I was all hyped up because I was told by my lying scale I had lost 2 lbs in 2 days and I was soooo happy! then right before my weekend I got on it again and it was back to normal! ( not that it is bad) but now I cannot trust my digital scale! So have I whined enough?

My bottom line concern is- I lose so slowly anyway- even post surgery- I am always afraid I have screwed something up permanently to keep me from losing the last 30 or 40 lbs. I am going to get my butt in gear now- and walk my whimpering 90 lb pooch! and then off to buy some fresh produce for the week!

Thanks Guys for stopping by currently - I guess- at 191! ( last week I was celebrating 189- leaving the 190's behind- falsely!) down from 248 last year this time! Still a loss of 57 lbs is a win win anyday.