All I really I needed to know I learned in my first year of WLS Post-op.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do

and how to be to live the rest of my life as the “new me” –

The me I always wanted to be.

I learned my first year POST OP weight loss surgery.

1. anything worth having is worth working for

(commit like your life depended on it) and if that is not motivation enough for you- then do it for others, the people you love more than yourself… if you have esteem issues- and I betting you do—you may find it impossible to value yourself enough to want to make this dream a reality … to keep yourself from a premature death- and unhealthy life- But if you do it as if—AS IF—it was to save the life of your child, or spouse, or parent, or best friend-- then maybe you can make the connection long enough to begin to make a real change. A LASTING change—in your relationship with food, exercise, and healthy lifestyle. This is a tool box you are getting with surgery—it is not a magic bullet- although it can seem that way some days early on—but if you do not work with these tools- it is a fleeting moment of health, happiness and "thinnerness" that will not see you through the rest of your days…and you may well be backwhere you began.

2. If you don’t make yourself a priority…no one else will do it for you.

- (self care is not selfish)

For women- who are by nature nurturers – as we enter the marriage and family stage of life-everyone comes first and you are always last—and we just slide down hill after that! Then suddenly you are eating to fill a need for nurture and feel better- about whatever! Everyone’s needs come before yours and you allow that! Are you enjoying your role as MARTYR? Did your Mom do this? Is that what made her crabby and critical and then you got caught in the crossfire? Which lead to a life of comfort with food?

I don’t know! Only YOU can answer that- But I do know-

The past is history,

Tomorrow a mystery

And today is a gift ( present)!

So be a gift to yourself—put your needs FIRST- it’s called SELF CARE! And it is absolutely imperative to give yourself the best fighting chance to succeed during your FIRST YEAR- the year of rediscovery - the year of re- invention! You need time to process, reflect, feed your body the highest possible quality nutrients and your spirit needs the same.

3.What goes up must come down—A scale is a machine- a tool- nothing more—think of it less as a punitive monster- and more as a COMPASS- look NOT at the number it says and self flagellate over it’s results---but as a SIGN POST—pointing the way down the next steps in the journey! Okay—so the scale goes up a pound or two—first off- it is probably water weight- so discount it- just keep walking—it will rectify it self!

4. PROCESS IS EVERYTHING- not the goal, the rules, not the constrictions—but the process- putting one foot in front of the other every day—making the best choices out of self love – and self care for your body and your goals--- When I was dieting years ago—I got fixated on the goal- the losses- and then I began to manipulate things -to make the results happen in a dishonest way—I became OCD about the scale- and the losses- I knew it was VERY unhealthy in my head- much less what I was doing to my body-- so I had to switch my perspective 100%-- WE CAN ONLY CONTROL OUR PROCESS- NOT THE RESULTS. I can only control the choices I make-to exercise or not to eat rightly- or not—nose to the grindstone—eyes focused—and then suddenly one day you look up and see- you are at the threshold of your “promised land”

We had this miracle surgery--- the results WILL happen- if we keep our focus on the process!

5. JOURNAL- your story is worth preserving—because it will help you and others reach their destination- it is a tool for self correction along the path, it is a vital tool to self discovery- when you process how you see things- or feel about things… whether you VLOG ON YT – or BLOG online, or write in a private page—you will be ever grateful that you are leaving a path of enlightenment for yourself- and others. This record will encourage when you hit a rough patch—so capture all you can.

BLOG VLOG or JOURNAL for your own process- if others enjoy or benefit- wonderful! Do not let others negativity affect you- this avenue of expression or documentation is for YOU!!!!

Food Journal— I have just begun to see the value of this tool- because when you have a great loss one week- and months later you are stuck—you have something- concrete to go back to – to tweak your current SOP with a blueprint of former success.

6. RULES are meant to be followed- and broken…

OMG are you a rule breaker? There is a deep seeded rebel in me- that when someone says “do it this way” I want to try something outside the box instead--- what’s with that? Or I want to question—by whose authority does this rule come? And how out of date is it? – How much of what we are told seems like “parroting popular medical jibber jabber and we are expected to follow with out question… seek your truth.

What works for me is not your holy grail! I spent a long period the first 6months feeling like a faker—because I did not follow the S.O.P.(standard operating procedure) post RNY-I did not enjoy meat any longer- solid animal protein did not appeal – oh the occasional steak- yes, or burger, okay- scallops- always. But every day? Nope- I was so in love with mushy lentils & legumes & greens & mixtures with protein packing non animal sources of food.—but I was losing. Oh the guilt! The lie I was living… then I finally heard the good news- from Dr. Garth Davis—you can be a healthy flexitarian and lots of people were doing it! I saw the heavens part and heard the hallelujahs come down…I found my own peace- My own Path- and I am perfectly healthy- lots of fiber, veg, fruit, etc—we take supplements- so what’s to worry. But again- we all have to find our own paths to” enlightenment”

7. Feel the fear and do it anyway—a popular book – and true statement. You will be afraid of the unknown- as much as you want this new life—there will be scary changes sometimes- and you may not have counted the cost—( and I am gonna say that is a good thing) because if we stopped and thought about all the what ifs…we might not have even had the surgery…. Sure I considered the dying thing-- -but other than that? nada! I did not consider- if I or my husband would like the way I- looked “skinny” ribs sticking out, saggy butt- hipless- -that does take some getting used to- and embracing. And I have done that now.—I kind of love this new frame. it a process.

I didn’t think about friends I might lose ( I haven’t) or the pleasures of social dining- there is an effect there for sure. But feel your way along--- you can find your way. I am definitely a cheap date! Dinner parties? Pace yourself- don’t fill up on olives and cheese and wine and then be sick when you try to eat your hosts beautifully prepared salmon!

8. Peace of mind is…. worth more than my weight in gold…. - it is the goal I seek with every breath. I do all I can to keep away from strife, and stress, and upset—because I am too much of an empathetic sponge—I will soak it all up and let it tear me apart. So I choose every day to WALK! Everyday- I walk with my dog- and I leave my cookie cutter neighborhood as fast as my feet will carry me across the road to a deserted soccer field and a back road- where we walk as close to nature as the brambles and poison ivy will allows us. I feel such harmony in my body movement, my breathing, the breeze against my face, the leaves that swirl, or the wildflowers that sway, the sounds, the colors, the thoughts that flow through my mind… clarity of thought, leading to insights, and revelation, and growth… heaven- surely I am in heaven at these moments. It is the best part of my day…

9. Community matters- no man is an island… I love WLS YT & FB community—I cannot begin to guess where I would have been in the past year with out that incredible HUMAN EXPERIENCE/ TECHNICOLOGICAL resource- our library as it were—

Encouragement – what are we if not human and in need of encouragement….

10. It is never too late for a do over—or Dreamers never die…

I can still see and feel that little girl who wished and wished and wished so hard to go to sleep and wake up thin- which equals – normal- which equals acceptance as good enough—and THAT my friends equals happiness like in a fairytale.

That little girl is 53 now and she is much the same in her heart. .As much as I tried I couldn’t make those wishes come true for so many years. I had success in other ways. I found unconditional love, which did lead to a 125 lbs loss in my thirties. But that didn’t stick…because I was still doing it for approval of another person, my mother—and it didn’t seem all that important to her after I reached it—I just could not feel the love, acceptance or blessing from the person that I gave much too much power to—and she could only give what she could out of her own brokenness.

YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR YOURSELF- because you are worth it. I know that now- and hence back full circle on the list- I matter- more than anything else- I matter- I selfishly want to live a full life with exuberance and health and family and friends and adventure! And I want to live another 40 years to make up for all the decades I let feeling ugly or fat, or insecure keep me from loving myself and living my dreams.

Just Shoot Me Now!

I am blogging today for self flagellation and permanent record for reflection. I really should be out the door to the commissary or walking the ever less patient pooch right now however I am compelled to write before the desire flees! I went away last weekend, Saturday all day through Monday morning when we drove home. It was a lovely idea- go to a B&B - ( BUY ONE NIGHT GET ONE FREE) -- YES - YOU KNOW ME! Steve and I love the Chaddsford area of Pa- right next to Delaware line, 2.5 hours from home, and gorgeous scenery as reflected in the art of all the Wyeths. More than that even it is home to Longwood gardens- heaven on earth- 4 acres under roof in full bloom all year..and manicured and gardened grounds worth the walking any time of year- rain permitting. Also close by the phenomenal Winterthur estate ala Dupont.

So lots to see- lots to do-- but also lots of poor choices to be made on the food front. Looking back it had the mania of the holidays when food choices and hubub seemed intertwined and I felt lousy much of the time. So between being away from my comfort zone of food control ( yes I could have packed food), and wanting to go back to a time when you went with the flow on vaca- I failed miserably. It isn't that I ate so much volume- but the choices were either to sugary- like B&B breakies, so that I dumped. or too spicy like the Thai fish cakes we shared, or I was starving one night so I ate my little Wendys deluxe burger too rapidly and wanted to be sick, or I ate my first bit of Bruesters' icecream- and got sick again! and if not at the toilet- I was laying in repose as they say so the nausea, or hot sweats, would go away...oh, and I didn't even mention the Philly Cheese steak I tried to eat a few bites of-- at least that didn't cause me probs-- probably the most beef I have eaten in 4 months! oh, wait the capper was on the way home-- Steve stopped at the rest stop and I went in to buy a bit of lunch to share--and something like an old mouth hunger desire possessed me and I bought Phillips fried fish plate( I deluded myself in to imagining giant fluffy Captain D's fillets where you have loads of white fish and can pull off the crust)- ugh... 1.5 tiny flat little fillets- not too bad- but I ate about 8-10 fries too- and OMG was I feeling lousy and guilty after that!

So there- I feel like I don't dare get on a scale for a week- I can't face the let down I did to myself!-- Again I must say quantity was not the issue- altho it is much more volume than I eat at home- but nothing in comparison to normal eating.

In exactly 1 week I am winging my way to California to spend 9 days with my youngest-- I intend to walk each day in hopefully beautiful weather and eat healthy - as she does. But still, out of my home environs I am anxious- seriously- and packing up my protien powders etc is a must.

There I have confessed- I was a bloated, fat mess! or at least I felt like one and I it is all I can do this morning to force my eyes forward instead of back- and it ain't easy ! Last week I was all hyped up because I was told by my lying scale I had lost 2 lbs in 2 days and I was soooo happy! then right before my weekend I got on it again and it was back to normal! ( not that it is bad) but now I cannot trust my digital scale! So have I whined enough?

My bottom line concern is- I lose so slowly anyway- even post surgery- I am always afraid I have screwed something up permanently to keep me from losing the last 30 or 40 lbs. I am going to get my butt in gear now- and walk my whimpering 90 lb pooch! and then off to buy some fresh produce for the week!

Thanks Guys for stopping by currently - I guess- at 191! ( last week I was celebrating 189- leaving the 190's behind- falsely!) down from 248 last year this time! Still a loss of 57 lbs is a win win anyday.

January Thaw 2010 & Exercise Resolutions

It has been nearly 1 month since the big snow we had up here-- and there is still a lot of snow on my deck where the sun doesn't reach. I never thought I see the day where we had snow last that long in Virginia. I don't even think the blessed reprieve of our annual January Thaw, when we get a few really nice days, will rid my yard of the white stuff. However I embrace these few warm by comparison days with great gusto in body, mind, and spirit. Lord knows we needs these each year- post holiday slumps, post new year resolution defaulting..and it has been so bitter with wind chill this year- who wants to leave their house?

I have struggled a bit with the slow pace of this weight loss journey -you imagine with surgery you would be dropping 5-10 pounds a week-(some do- some people who were twice my size to begin with and probably not female- and not over 50! You have it in your head this "magic" tool post surgery has an expiration date of good weight loss of about 6 months-- so when month 3 arrives you may start to panic a little. -- well, I did. So in the new year I was to pick up my metabolism by returning to the gym. That lasted all of about 1 week. I bought a 2 year membership that equated to about $15.00 a month- a bargain . I have about 9 months left on that and I think the gym is beautiful and has nice equipment--but I never really feel like I fit in over there. The incredibly muscle bound manager seems to look through anyone other than other muscle bound men. The ladies who do the aerobics are nice--but OMG how to keep up- I have to go into training just to be ready for a class. I hate to fall out 2/3rds of the way through anything they offer. Don't even mention Zumba- okay???

I gave thought to what was I like about exercise and which exercise have I liked in the past- successfully. The answers were clear. I love to walk ( sans wind chill-20) it is good for my head and body- and with the dog now- I have a good partner. He would go forever. Now granted I have to find paths he doesn't have to smell and re-mark every 10 feet. But otherwise a good walk leave me refreshed and invigorated like nothing else. So I have gone from 20 minutes short freezes- to hour walks this week, blessed January thaw permitting. I have seen the scale start to move again.

I also think often about back in the day- how much success I had at home- with my aerobic step. So I went out and bought a $30.00 one at Walmart put out by Golds Gym, it has a DVD and it fits perfectly right in front of my TV. Speaking of TV- with all the moola we fork over for Verizon TV we have 2 exercise channels- so I can pull out my yoga mat and follow Yoga and Pilates any time thanks to the wonders of a DVR. There are also "dance" exercise programs it seems so I can shake my booty in the privacy of my own home--and not look at my reflection in wall to wall mirrors.

I also feel better about reducing my carbon footprint by not driving to a gym everyday.

So there- it is a beginning- but a good one to make hay while the sunshines as they say. One day the weight loss will stop- who know how far down the track my body is going to take me to Normalville. All I know is I am going to cooperate as much as I can to get there. But to add over the top exercise I cannot keep up- will not help me.

Oh and for fun, I signed dear hubby and I up for a "couples dance class" which I assume is a ballroom type of thing...we go tonight. He says he has "two left feet"-- I am not sure mine are much better-but this is solely for the fun-I have no expectations except to laugh alot, and enjoy being a couple.

So- my current results- today I weighed in at 193. (and I am looking mighty fine I must say!)

I began the journey toward surgery 1 year ago- I started at 248, I went into surgery 11/2/09 at 225 lbs, so that means a total loss of 55 lbs so far, Post surgery weight loss of 32 lbs. which averages out to about 3.2 lbs a week since I am at week 10, I think. I am satisfied- truly, because if not for the surgery this weight loss would be impossible, or impossibly hard.

Thanks for stopping by...Oh, BTW I am now making videos on You tube for fun - with others in the weight loss community. It is a lot of fun and I have made wonderful friends for mutual support and encouragement.

See you next month!

For Days of Auld Lang Syne....

Yes the new year is just around the corner and I cannot wait!

2010 come on baby!
This happens to coincide with the beginning of my 3rd month post surgery. I have to be honest--I have survived the holidays- threw up some- got the sugar shakes some---but it is all behind me now! I can honestly say I have not overindulged, but rather not eaten enough, drunk enough, vitamined enough-- all the things they say---do-do-do-do-do-do!

I am not down--- but I could not seem to get in the big Christmas celebratory spirit socially because I could not imbibe, or enjoy all - or any of the goodies as the rest of my peeps. I even tried to have a bit of wine--but it just did nothing for me

.

I kind of feel like I have lost some of my Sally Sparkle!
That is something I hope will return soon. I love a party! I love to get "beautiful" I love to visit-- and I feel sure as I can eat a bit more normally and have a small glass of vino--- or perhaps-- "sniff sniff" some bubbly- the old me will return!


But in the mean time! I have resolved to be a text book RNY diva- and take my supplements, and ensure my continued good health in 2010. I even had a protein shake today-- first one in 2 months-- ( I went "off " them post surgery- they held no appeal).

So here I stand - feather boa in hand to say-- I made my goal of entering ONE-DERLAND- and 25 pounds lost post surgery- by Xmas day. -( I must confess I chose not to weigh on the 25th because I didn't want to be bummed out if it didn't happen)

My weight loss is slowish comparatively to other surgery peeps- but I did lose 50 lbs since last Xmas (248 lbs. - 12/2008)- I went into surgery at 225- and I am at 198 as of today.

This equates to about 3.375 lbs each week- I am content with the stable progress, and believe as impatient as I am by nature-- this is the best way for me!


I have been getting lots of support and compliments from my siblings and family whom I saw over the Holidays-- and my clothes are certainly comfy!

So folks- that is about all for now- and I hope to have good reports in a

VERY HEALTHY NEW YEAR.


Much Love and Best wishes to all who stop by.

Make a Smilebox greeting

5 weeks and life is good!

Hey everybody--I am in a warm fuzzy mood this moment-- I just finished watching the marvelous movie Julie & Julia. I have laughed, I have cried, I have a desire to cook french food...only one problem-I don't know if I will ever be able to eat it! hahaha! Maybe some pate? Protien! At any rate I have had another interesting week...I was seduced by rotisserie chicken at the Costco- and I was hungry when I got home with it...and one thing lead to another and I was miserably violently ill-just from eating to fast- and not chew chew chewing! So let that be a lesson to me! Back to mostly pre-dessicated food! YUM! I find my issue will not be eating too much- as I can tell when I am full quite quickly and easily. My issues will be with gulping, speed eating etc. It is a learning curve I must - by necessity conquer. One thing I was told when deciding between Banding and RNY- was with the band you can easily cheat-- and the RNY if you cheat it will be as if you were being hit upside the back of the head with a board- and therefore you will learn to keep in line!

So true.-- So far!

I am feeling hunger pangs more familiarly than in weeks past, so I must watch and be sure not to be too hungry and then eat quickly to squelch the pangs--I am ready to buy a quantity of mini bell light cheeses and laughing cow too, much like when I did South Beach.

I discovered the wonders of small dry toast you can purchase in the latino section of the grocery. 2 little pieces and a wedge of laughing cow have saved me this week- post chicken fiasco! that and yellow squash-cooked all mushy with a touch of sour cream. and a meal or two of Stouffer's spinach souffle. I also had the most yummy first time eating butternut squash soup in a local eatery - I could taste the apple, and curry and I think some apple cider in it too! I found an Ina Garten recipe and am going to try it. I wonder if I will ever eat beef again? or have a glass of champagne? I can live in hope!

I have rambled enough for one week but I want to say how much I love my YOU TUBE family of WLS patients across the globe! Shout outs to so many who I follow for encouragement- Steven in London, Allison in SC, Rocky (not wls) who cooks so healthfully out of her tiny kitchen in NY, and many more who don't even know I follow their video blogs diligently. I am a big devotee of " the world according eggface" on blog spot. So many wonderful and creative people connecting across the WWW! what a world we live in!

So- here it is folks- as of 5 weeks out today I have lost 20 lbs! and since this time last year--- I have lost a total of 43 lbs!

I am going to the gym starting today and ride the stationary bicycle with the video screen that allows me to travel to far away exotic bike paths! I can report I am up on my vitamins & calcium now, and trying to get in my vitamin water (another new product to me).

So until next week- Have a warm and wonderful December, hug those you love, and give something of yourself to those who cannot give you anything in return. and...LIVE LARGE!

Sally

how many weeks make a month?

Okay- not sure if I am supposed to say this is my 4th week, or month surgiversary- 11/2 to 12/2!

In any case it has been rather a frantic,week. I am honestly not losing much- this week all of 1.6 lbs? Not much , but considering how poorly I did this week I am not surprised. I find that with lots of activity and rushing around which will happen during holidays and family gatherings, Children home etc... It is hard to have a quiet moment to swallow. I was sick twice this week after eating, and found food was stuck more than any other week. All due to an atmosphere not conducive to chewing thoroughly and not rushing. I have also not been a poster child for how to do this correctly. I have not had enough calories, or water, or vitamins....I am thoroughly ashamed- but oh well. Now that my house is my own again I will make a greater effort to follow the rules. I am concerned about what will happen down the road a couple of months if I do not. I will not be happy if my hair all falls out!

On a happier note, I have been out and bought some new P.J.'s and a nightgown in smaller - much smaller sizes- than I was wearing before. I also pulled a cute pink and black animal striped fitted cardigan out of the closet I always thought of as my "thin " clothes- and am wearing it right now! I even was out and about and didn't feel the need to cover up my lower half like I usually do- with a longer top or cape etc. So I am feeling more free and confident no matter what the scale does each week. I feel a lot of improvement in this first month overall.

I have been to more social events than normal for me and have had some wonderful compliments - which never hurts!

So I quess that is all for now...no words of wisdom today.

Love to all who pass by to read my musings.

Have a great week .